Is there something in your life you really want to do or be that you have been holding back on?  

You know you want to but you are scared. You have an enormous list of sensible reasons why this may be risky, or why you should wait until you are more ready or know more?
Ultimately though, you know you want to and it’s going to stretch you. Right now, it may feel like too much of a stretch. It is going to take a leap of faith to do it and you are not sure you can.

Ever.

I know I have felt like this a few times in my life, this morning included!  I have been stuck in that place for short and longer periods of time. Many things have helped me through it including the 1 to 1 work I do with people. Today though a story, a memory came to me.

I would like to tell you this story. It is about leaping.

Literal leaping.

When I was in year 7, aged 11, there was an opportunity to go on an outdoor pursuits week with a group of children. 16 boys and 16 girls. Typically, the boys’ spots were oversubscribed whereas only 17 girls put their names down. Me, I leapt at that opportunity. I couldn’t wait to have a go at all these exciting activities and couldn't understand why so few girls volunteered.  However, those odds meant I had a really great chance of being picked.  And I was lucky. I was one of the 16.

There was sea cliff scrambling, blindfold night walking, abseiling, sailing, Lots of fun stuff.

I was shy and quiet. I took part in all the activities and held back on the socialising, listening and watching the other girls in the dorm instead.  I was often last in line for things as I let others go first- though I did always join in and participate.

Until the day came we were invited to jump off a cliff. Literally. I remember our group standing on top of the rock looking at the water below. Was it two or three metres high? Something like that, felt like a hundred.  I waited, watching, expecting some of the louder boys to go.

Nope.

No one moved. No one wanted to go first. There was joking and teasing but no one actually stepped forwards. I began to get impatient. Eventually I volunteered. Going first was unusual for me. But I not only volunteered I surprised everyone and practically ran off the cliff!

Was I scared? a bit. Not much though. Just nervous excited.

Why?

Because I had already taken a leap like that a few years prior.

On holiday with my parents and brother in the Ardeche there was an even higher rock. Me and my brother watched a family of nudists happily throwing themselves off this rock into the river. We went closer. OMG it was high! We went up and watched. We approached the edge. The younger boy ran past us both, yelling gleefully as he threw himself off again into the water far below.

I don’t know how long we waited before getting the courage to have a go. I know my brother went first. I remember being totally terrified. But I couldn’t let all these other people do it and not me. I knew if I walked away from this moment, I would regret it forever and there would not be another moment. Eventually I just closed my eyes and leapt.

I dropped for a very long time.  I wondered where the water had gone. I hit it. I continued down. I was almost panicking. How would I ever get back up again. I began to swim. I was scared ,what if I needed to breathe. It felt like forever in those seconds where I was frantically swimming back to the surface. Then I did it. I surfaced and breathed in air. Phew!

I had survived. I won’t pretend it was a hundred percent enjoyable that first time. It was too much of a stretch. It was a thrill though coming out the other side and I went straight back and did it again.

It was easier that second time.

It became comfortable as each time I survived. I was able to enjoy the sensations of the air and the water a bit more,  the thrill remained as the terror was replaced by joy. I felt a major sense of achievement. It was a big cliff.

So back to the more modest cliff at the outdoor pursuit place.

I made the decision quickly. Although I was nervous, I already knew I could do it. So I did. Running before I chickened out of being the centre of attention by going first. Which was more the issue for me than the actual jumping off a cliff bit.

With this decision, I became the leader of my group. Something very new for me.  I didn’t think I just went for it, surprising and impressing my peers and the teachers and myself. I wasn’t used to being the leader.

It felt good.  Really good and something shifted in the dynamic between me, the shy, quiet girl who could be overlooked and this other version who was willing to leap off cliffs.

So why am I sharing this story?

Well, I took a leap and became the leader, after someone else inspired me and showed me it was possible. It is likely that you have, in your own life, been that inspiration for someone else who wanted to follow in your footsteps.   It is also possible that you are now facing that moment of wanting to leap in your own life, trying to pluck up the courage whilst waiting for some right moment or encouragement.

Perhaps this story is that thing.

Will you allow this story to be the inspiration you need to take the leap you know you want to make?

Photo by BEERTA MAINI on Unsplash

Photo by Josh Cea on Unsplash

Yesterday I tried to offer the cashier in Tesco swimming goggles instead of the club card.

Twice.

In ten minutes.

Maybe she understood what it can be like shopping with a toddler and very full pockets of everything that I may need or definitely don't need but have been given for the last month. I have big pockets.

But it got me thinking about lenses and the work I do. I was thinking about how we all want to see clearly. That sometimes our vision of the world is impaired by the goggles we have on that we have had on so long we forget we even have them on. Perhaps they are a bit cracked or like my children's goggles scratched, leak a bit with a  tendency to steam up easily.

You definitely can't see properly looking through goggles like that. But it's better than the chlorine in the water hurting my eyes. At least while I am in the swimming pool.

But do I need them in the supermarket? And to pay for my groceries?

Obviously not. The analogy for me is how we see life. It's probably obvious before I even explain.

But here goes anyway. If we have a childhood event, long ago that was particularly strong. It affects us strongly. We start to believe something about the world. It has changed how we see, show up and act in the world. We get creative, make strategies to cope and deal with the new information and life goes on.  Over time we forget.

But the once clean lens that we came in with to see the world has got a smudge on it. Enough times of coming up against it in life and it gets scratched even broken.

We begin to believe the world is unfriendly. That we are no good and that maybe it is us who are broken.

We shut down, pull away from the world, stop dreaming.

Has this happened to you? Are you playing smaller than you could? In birth or in life?

Sometimes these memories are so ancient that we don't have any conscious memory at all. Our own birth into the world is the big one.

Our huge first life transition that has impacted each and every one of us profoundly even though few of us remember consciously.

For many of us in the West this would have been a tough, challenging time. Today about 30% of women report some trauma in the birth of their children. If you as a mother are experiencing it so is your child.

This is at the core of the work I do at BirthEssence.

Right now I am focusing a lot of energy on my Birth Blueprint Reading and Healing sessions for women. Where I look at what your own birth reveals about your soul's journey and work to heal any damaged lenses , re-imprinting the patterns that were laid down in your own birth experience so that you can show up fully , firing on all cylinders no longer holding back on your dreams in life,

Interested? Prices start from £60 Email me at charlotte:birthessence.co.uk for more details.

Photo by Josh Cea on Unsplash

Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

For me ignoring my intuition cost me my computer- my lifeline to my business destroyed in an instant of madness.

For others it is the confident birth experience they dream of and have been planning for months.

How many times have you heard someone say, "I knew. I just knew somewhere inside that something wasn’t right." or "I knew I just knew somehow that it would be ok."

If I had a penny for every time I hear from mothers who intuitively knew before the doctors what was going on with their baby, growing inside their own body, I would be rich. Sadly, many times the story continues with the mother not being believed, leading her to question and doubt her own feelings and sometimes ultimately go along with what she is being recommended against her instincts.

What is upsetting is when the woman feels she has no voice and no confidence to speak up through fear of ridicule, dismissal (not unfortunately an irrational fear at all but that’s for another post) and not trusting her feelings over the other person’s perceived expertise.

Often if it comes to something for the baby’s safety you will persevere, even when you have to push back against deaf ears and eye-rolls. Even if it’s a fight and you hate conflict and normally shy away from all arguments. Because when you know, you know and this is your baby’s life at stake.

But it shouldn’t be so hard and such a fight.  Sometimes, and especially if we know the baby is ok and its our own comfort or dreams that are at stake, we don’t have that confidence to go up against someone who is holding all the perceived authority and information. We downplay our intuition and play it off against our rational logic that says, 'Oh it will be ok, the doctor must know best.'  Or we keep quiet and play along knowing in our hearts that the concern is unnecessary because all is well but not wanting to rock the boat too much.  We end up compromising on what we truly want because it is too scary to go against the flow of the establishment or our friends and family’s beliefs. You diminish your pain and disappointment, rationalising it away with, "at least he is here safe and sound." A sentence that tends to get universal approval from all around as it puts a soft blanket over the uncomfortable feelings and patterns that for another day you will not have to face.  It may make you feel better but doesn’t lift the unacknowledged pain in your inner world where all the programming happens. Where your subconscious reality is running the show. You can’t fool your inner world, just shut it down and numb it out temporarily.

What we can know through intuition is incredible.

Here’s an example from a friend of mine:

In this case my friend stayed strong and true to her intuition despite the pressure to be induced both times.  She took action based on her inner knowing. Her conviction and strength meant that her babies came when they were ready and for her second helped her daughter get into a better position for a smooth easy birth.

It is not just what we can know, it is when. There is a recent study conducted on premature infants in Nepal that was looking at benefits of kangaroo care versus their standard care.  A point that came out of this research was that mothers who were carrying their baby with monitors attached at the same time, often knew something was wrong with their baby before the machines did.  They knew before there was anything to measure scientifically.  This is contrary to the common tendency to trust the machines blindly without taking into account the mothers intuition and feelings. Just to be clear I am not saying the machines are always unnecessary or wrong just pointing out a reliance on something that cannot see the whole picture and can only measure what is showing up to be measured. Machines have a certain level of sensitivity and are programmed to measure clearly defined signals. As humans we assess and measure far more and subtle signals and this skill is relatively little understood or trusted.

And the truth is we know. When we tune in we always know.  When we practice and learn to trust this as its own science we can use our instincts as a guide to what steps to take. Whether that be in birth planning and which kind of birth is right for us, or when to transfer, or to ask for checks if something feels wrong, we will get the guidance we need.

The constant overriding our intuition with rational thoughts and downplaying the important role it plays and I would go as far to say the science of intuition makes me scream with frustration. Even and especially when I catch myself doing it still.

 Ignoring that little voice inside is how I come to be writing on a new computer. Ok so having a new computer is super fun, and the old one needed replacing. But having to replace it because I found it swimming in half a pint of water that my two year old had gleefully poured over it and then pointed it out to me -‘look, water mummy,’  is not the way I would have gone about it!

And I knew better.  I knew when I saw him come into the room with a bottle of water that I should take it off him and put it high up and far away. But did I?

No. I didn’t. Surveying the ruins of my computer sadly I checked in with myself with what had been going on inside that caused me to ignore that clear but quiet voice. Firstly I was rushing around trying to juggle too many balls  , work and prepare for the school run at the same time. Point one SLOW DOWN. We all need to hear this. Slow down, take some deep breaths, and then continue mindfully with what you are doing one thing at a time.  

Secondly,  also overrode the wisdom automatically with sneaky fast thoughts that got under my radar and passed through before I noticed partly because I was rushing around.. What i discovered when I slowed it down and unpicked what was going on was interesting. The crazy stories that don’t add up – like 'oh I’m so cool and an experienced mother and I can catch him before he does that and in the nick of time then I will look so good and impress everyone at how good I am.' Seriously.  I see this as some of the crazy ways we internalise the archetype of the good mother which gets really warped when it comes into play with low self esteem issues or similar wounds that so many of us carry,

This is why inner work and exploring what is going on is always worth it. It can be as simple as stopping when you notice you arguing with your intuition , checking in with your immediate resistant thoughts and asking asking if they are true. Often they are so ridiculous you can drop them just like that.

 Other times you may need to take out your tool box and do some deeper enquiry and clearing work.  There’s always in my experience some kind of version of a wounded part acting out whenever something like this happens where there is a clear intuitive hit or guidance then you don’t follow it. When you check in with what is going on at a deeper level you have an opportunity to clear out the saboteurs, to  heal the wounds. This leads to the freedom and confidence that will allow you to heed that voice and act on it.

In the words of my friend:

 You do know. I really want you to hear that. You know, and your concerns always matter. Your intuition matters and you have the right to be heard.

There is one more step to this- Practice. You will have heard the phrase practice makes perfect right?  It’s true of course. Practice builds your intuition muscle.  Practice on smaller things, have some fun and then when the chips are down you will have built a new habit that will serve you well as you come to stand by the birth you want.

Let’s give it a go right now. You may place your hand on your heart or your womb and intentionally connect to the wisdom there. We are so used to going to our brain and mind for information. In some cases this is a perfect place. Finding our way for example, remembering the shopping. But when it comes to making decisions, we always make them from an emotional basis in the end.

So, place your hand over your heart or womb and ask a question. Wait to hear what answer you get. It may be in pictures or feelings, it may be in words or just that inner knowing. Notice how it shows for you as this is your inner language you are learning. This is how your body talks to you. It is different for everyone.

Intuition and the role it plays in preparing for your birth  is just one of the subjects we are talking about in the Free Online Birth Confidence Summit that is running for 30 days from 1^st of November.  This is a summit unlike others you may have been on .  It has value and content you would usually find on a paid course. It comprises 30 days of Journal prompts, tips and energetic healing and block clearing classes in a private facebook group,  set against the backdrop of 20+ of the most knowledgeable and experienced birth professionals and mothers I know. 

Sounds interesting? Ask your heart and womb if this is the next step in your birth preparation and then act on the answer you get.

If it’s a yes click right here

Incidentally research points to roughly 30 days being the amount of time it takes to build a new habit to the level it becomes automatic. Come and join us for the summit and use it to build your confidence muscle so you can really enjoy your pregnancy and go for the birth you want, not the one you are settling for.

( Photo credit Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash)

Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash

I stare at the computer screen biting back the tears. Telling myself to hold it together, that maybe it will work this time…. But No. My plugins won’t update and until they do I can’t write anything on my website.

The dam bursts and I can’t hold it in anymore. I am gulping with enormous sobs as I break down completely.  I have been trying fruitlessly for two hours to update my plugins.  The ‘idiots guide’ my brother created for me is not idiot enough for me I think despairingly. I am trying to cry and not wake the baby at the same time, I sound like a strangled pig and even if I don’t wake him I have 15 minutes left until the school run anyway. 

My brother comes to the rescue and fixes what took me two hours to fail at in about ten minutes. His kindness overwhelms me further. My heart is breaking. My mind is in overdrive telling me how I’ve wasted this precious time. The precious time I have precious little of these days.  A blip like this derails my whole schedule.

 I must look crazy from the outside I think, getting this upset over such a small detail that is now fixed. I try to reassure myself that it will be ok. Tomorrow is another day. But the less kind inner critic is having a field day. Perhaps she hopes to solve my problems by demoralizing me further but it just adds to the overwhelm bearing down on me from all sides.

Right now, in the thick of it the pain is all consuming.  Acute and raw.  I cry and I cry.  I can’t do anything else but cry. And this is how it is. A small seemingly trivial event that has even been resolved has the power to tip me over the edge into despair. A pit from which I can see no solutions only hardship. A dark place of sadness where I secretly believe myself to be completely useless and no good to anyone.  The way I am feeling bears no resemblance to the size of the fairly ordinary event.

I feel trapped. No way out, nothing I can do, panicking as time ticking loudly and ominously away reminding me of all I’ve not done yet.

Except there is one thing I can do. One thing I know to do. The NPA Process.

Somehow the simple statement that it is not just the computer that is causing me to feel overwhelm has the power to unlock the whole thing. I feel the tension and stress flowing out of me. I see myself at the centre of a misty landscape surrounded by all the important people and jobs in my life. I can clearly see how much I have going on and why I have ended up in such a state of overwhelm. Anyone would. It is not because I am more useless than anyone else. It is because I have so much going on and I fell into the trap of pushing relentlessly to get it all done. Telling myself it had to be now and this way caused me to feel like the world was ending when life had other ideas.  Too much self induced pressure. Rigidity.

As I continued to watch space began to open up around me. The events had space around them and from me. I could breathe again and felt myself relax.   Somehow this simple process has caused me to see I am overwhelmed and I am still ok.

I sit some more. Witnessing the experience.

Then it is gone.   Just like that.  I am no longer overwhelmed. 

I have just as much to do and no idea how I will make it work but it no longer has the power to crush me. I am OK, I know everything is going to be ok and its time to pick my kids up.

So I gather up my son, dirty nappy no shoes and all and leave overwhelm behind. I let the relief carry me up the hill instead. I feel free, clean, empty. Even though my son yanks my hair hard and continuously yelling goal each time I am ok, Tomorrow really is another day and for today I am ok.  This is the simple power of NPA.

Now you are pregnant you have just added a whole new level of activity to your daily life, that goes on under the surface 24/7. As it carries on without your conscious input it is easy to be slightly less than conscious with how we treat our hard working bodies. We keep going. We push our bodies and our selves to keep going at the same pace we did before we were pregnant. We try to be superwoman.

But creating a new human being takes some serious energy expenditure and as with our financial budgets what goes out has to be balanced with what comes in. When we don’t do that, when we don’t take extra time and space for self care, overwhelm and exhaustion are soon to be found tagging along at our heels.

When we are pregnant we are different in other ways too. More emotional. More vulnerable. More intuitive.  These are all qualities that enrich our connection in pregnancy and support us to grow our baby. And they are all the qualities that are not particularly valued in a world that prioritises the masculine experience. A paradigm that expects constant output in a steady rhythm regardless. A paradigm that does not take account of our fluctuating rhythms. That shames our emotionality and vulnerability. That does not understand intuitive knowing and prefers scientific facts that can be measured.

So we succumb to the status quo and to the ancient, unconscious conditioning that our lives run on.  We accept the pressure to keep going and not complain. We hold it together like we have been doing for centuries. Too often we leave ourselves and our needs to last or even out of the equation altogether. Until we reach breaking point as I did at the computer.

My question to you is do you recognise yourself in my story? Do any parts of it hit you on some level?

Perhaps you are shy to admit you are struggling, Perhaps you have not noticed as you keep going relentlessly, feeling guilty to ask for more breaks or rest time ‘just’ because you are pregnant.

These are all signs. Hints by your body, by the universe, by your soul that you need to make a change. If you have not noticed that you are running on empty and you are still running, running running…. It is time to stop and re-evaluate your priorities.

My invitation to you today is to stop. Take a little time to enquire of yourself? Am I looking after myself, am I honouring this body and this pregnancy? Ask your body how she is doing and what she needs. Then take her advice.  Take some time this week to do something different, something restful and regenerative just for you.  Just because.

Please feel free to comment and tell me what you choose to do. I would love to hear and celebrate with you.

If this story has awoken your curiosity in NPA , (the incredibly useful and versatile tool that helped me shift quickly out of overwhelm mode into a kinder, gentler state in which ironically much more is getting done with less effort) then please check out this ( affiliate) link where you can download the  NPA Process sheet for free and have a go yourself.

Feeling stressed, overwhelmed or burnt out and want to take some direct action with personalised support?

My mother Nurture Massage Treatments are the perfect antidote to overwhelm and  are a very  enjoyable way to create space and time for you in your life.  

My birth confidence Sessions are best for you if know your life is too busy and you are suffering from overwhelm or burn out but you can't bring yourself to make the changes you need on your own.  Deep transformation awaits for you if you choose to invest in this option.

I will be back next week with more on the theme of overwhelm and what to do if you recognise you are either in overwhelm or fast heading towards breaking point.