As the year heads to a close I find myself writing a very different post than I expected. It may not even get to you this year.
But better late than never so they say...
The best laid plans... they say that too.
Which is fitting as every other email in my inbox over the last few days is a variation on reflect on the past year or plan for the next year, with the aim of making it bigger and better.
I resisted. Bored of reviewing where I've could have improved, where I didn't quite make the mark and my plans went awry. Fed up of getting excited by a plan only to have it only partially work out.
Then I realised that I was heading down a familiar downward spiral. Something was heavy, not quite right. A couple of setbacks towards the end of the year and doom and gloom was setting in and I didn't want to look at it. I just wanted to keep on going, keep working, keep aiming.
I call it the Ostrich way.
I didn't want to give up. Failure energy was surrounding me. I didn't want to feel or hear that it was there because I am committed and determined to my dreams and my business. I was scared if I admitted any negative thoughts they would come to pass. Instead of welcoming what was coming up and listening, hearing it out until it exhausted itself and would happily see itself out the door, I buried it. Kept taking action. The right actions. I mean this is the daft thing. I wasn't doing anything wrong for my business but instead of lightness and joy I was moving through treacle.
Finally I listened to a podcast and took a meditation workshop to review and create your year soulfully by Samantha Nolan Smith. This blasted me out of the heaviness I hadn't even fully realised was there and catapulted me back up into Freedom and Light. I let go of my story about events of the whole year and accepted, welcomed in even, a great ball of fresh pure light (as the visualisation came spontaneously to me) It cleansed the whole year and drew me forwards towards a bright New Year.
The next day things started to shift, people called me unexpectedly, clients booking, children behaving, ease between relatives. Amazing.
So in the light of this I spent a little more time reflecting on my past year.
I started with two questions: What went well? What didn't go so well?
First up, What went well? This was so much fun. I really enjoyed the feeling of seeing how far I had come and what I had actually achieved this year. All together on the page it seemed like a lot all of a sudden:
- two amazing clients through a package of 1:1 Sessions to transform their Birth Experience,
- rewriting my whole website using Thrive Content Builder,
- regular, well received writing on my own blog such as this popular one on ways to get grounded.
- my first guest blog posts such as this one- on celebrating pregnancy and mother hood in the Gambia and this one - on baby carrying African style.
- And even a feature in the Birmingham Mail.
It put the odd setback into perspective.
But the most interesting part and the bit I really wanted to share today was the hidden gifts I found inside my less successful moments.
In the latter half of my year I totally and utterly failed to reach any of my financial goals.
Lets be clear. I am not facing financial ruin. In fact I feel richer and more fulfilled than I ever have. My mentality has shifted so far from what it was. But, nevertheless, I totally bombed out of every goal I set in the last three months.
However, on reflection and a little bit of inner work I am almost inclined to move it over from what didn't go so well to the other side of the page - what went well. I am questioning my approach to that question of what went wrong. Is there ever anything that doesn't go well once it is fully appreciated and you can let it go and move on? Or is it simply a case of perspective?
The silver lining in the cloud is so precious and without the cloud I wouldn't have seen it.
Previously I may have felt down looking at what wasn't great. Right now I can see only silver.Nothing has changed except my perspective of the events. I have dropped the stories and am approaching it all with joy and a sense of fun. Phew!
In the end I am ending the year in gratitude. I am so so so glad that no clients booked for a couple of months because it pushed up to the surface hidden scarcity issues so I could clear them. I am so grateful for the twists and turns in my clients journeys that helped me learn so that I can be of better service to all the women I will work with in future. I am even glad I accidentally recorded my New Year Gift to you all on the wrong setting and will have to repeat it.
Had I not done that you would have received that gift and next weeks post today and I may have missed out on these insights and the amazing power of the inner work that I do.
As the calendar year turns a page and I commit to sharing more of me and this powerful innerwork with the world in 2016 I would like to wish you all a Happy and Fulfilled New Year filled with silver, possibility and a whole lot of fun.
I would also love to hear from you. How did your year go? What gifts do your reviews of 2015 reveal to you?
The review questions that inspired this post can be found on Chris Guillebau's annual reivew and they and this post by Gulara Vincent in which she reflects on her own year in 2015 inspired this post today.
Here is the link to listen to the Create Your Year Soulfully Meditation Workshop by Samantha Nolan Smith