“Being Ready” Part 1: Trust in the face of the unknown.
So here it is. The first BirthEssence blog post. So given the title, do I feel ready? Do I have some top tips on how to get ready and be prepared for any eventuality?
No not really. Perhaps not at all.
So why am I here and writing about being ready then?
Well, I may not feel ready but it’s time anyway, no matter what I think. It’s time for me to speak up and let my voice be heard in the world. Time for me to believe my voice matters and to take action. Time for me to join the growing movement of revolutionary women rising up, speaking out and claiming their power across the globe.
And I really couldn’t ignore the voice that spoke one evening in a buzzing field of golden energy and said ‘it’s time to write’.
I wanted to ignore it. I resisted. I heard myself think, “no way not me and write what? A blog? But every man and his dog writes a blog. I don’t have anything of any importance to say that is not already being said better by others, I don’t want to bore people and add to the mounds of self indulgent clap trap out there…” And so on….
But the voice persisted.
Eventually I recognised the truth is that it’s time. The pressure of unspoken words is building, ideas are swirling around, a passionate voice is coming alive in me, seeking to express itself and benefit the world.
So here I am. Feeling shy, unsure and not ready but writing anyway.
Feeling unsure and not ready, but going for it anyway was a teaching journey that ultimately lead me to joy, confidence and freedom during the birth of my second child.
I wasn’t ready then either. But it happened nevertheless. My child was born as is the natural order of things, despite whatever spin I was putting on my state of readiness or not.
By the time he arrived in an explosion of amniotic fluid and ecstasy, I was well beyond worrying about being ready or not. No longer residing in the rational thinking mind of the neo-cortex, I was instead experiencing directly; living, breathing, birthing. It turns out I was ready after all.
I was never not ready. I had only to live the experience to find this out. And this was hugely transformative and powerful.
Just four hours previously however, I did not feel ready, or that labour was even imminent. Little did I know.
I was obsessing over the cleanliness of the house. Bathroom ✓, bedroom ✓, rest of the house… – a terrible toy ridden mess, at least to my eyes. And that was just the beginning of an A4 list of duties that felt imperative to be completed before I would be ready to give birth. I could feel the pressure of the unclean house, the unorganised music, the uncharged fairy lights. The list went on. There was a sense of panic that I would never be ready in time.
But it was all unnecessary worry and self induced pressure. None of the rest of the list happened. It didn’t need to. You know what? The universe had my back. The Universe was ready whatever I believed. Not only ready but listening and providing for me too. The Universe really is a friendly place and it has taken me a while to really know that.
My actual birth experience was totally nothing like my carefully considered birth plan, with everything ready and in its place and in which I calmly and unhurriedly gave birth in my tent in the garden with music and fairy lights.
Oh no nothing like that.
It was wild, loud and exhilarating and totally brilliant in every way and nothing like I would ever have imagined or planned for. I never made it outside. In fact the only two rooms I really needed were… you guessed it, the only two clean ones, the bathroom and bedroom. The Universe was looking after me, delivering the birth experience I had really asked for in a totally different way from the one I had imagined. My baby and my body were unfazed by my concerns and got on with their job unhindered.
It didn’t matter that nothing was quite ready enough and that I didn’t feel that ready either. The tiring impossibility of preparing for every potentiality was replaced by trust in the face of the unknown and my children were born in the beautiful atmosphere of trust and confidence that I had desired and worked towards
This learning lives on and this journey as a mother is bringing me answers to my seeking in the most surprising yet totally perfect and fitting way; ways that I could never have imagined, planned for or been prepared for had I been the one in charge.
So perhaps I can say that I am ready after all. So much so that being ready for anything is no longer the goal. I haven’t planned out every last miniscule detail with my business and blog before even starting. Instead I am diving in, as ready as I’ll ever need to be, living, experiencing and learning as I go along. And it’s really quite fun.
BirthEssence is available for 1:1 Work, Holistic Massage and Reiki to help you sort through your own readiness issues and come to a place of calm confidence and trust in your decisions.