Charlotte's Bio 

( Scroll for time stamps to video below)

She lives with her husband and three boisterous boys who have been her guides companions and teachers on her journey to confidence.  She loves to relax in nature especially wild camping in wilderness areas and at home she loves to potter in her garden sanctuary.

Brave! Crazy! Highly irresponsible! Controversial!

These were the themes of the many responses posted when I published my son’s birth story  15 years ago on a UK mums forum.

So, what was so inflammatory about his birth, my first child, what compelled me to share it, and why would anybody birth their baby in this way?

It was a warm, sunny August morning, even in the far north of England. I had been planning my birth for months- if not years- discovering what positive birth was, refusing anything that let my mind wonder into the “what if’s” and believing in the birth wisdom that had been passed down by the women in my own family.

But now, my baby was 10 long days “late”, even later by my calculations, and I was hot, itchy and fed up.

I woke up to a strange feeling, I couldn’t quite explain. There was excitement, mixed with adrenaline and some “braxton hicks” type contractions going on. I ran myself a bath, added a couple of drops of clary sage and breathed in the strong, energy boosting scent. Just as I did so, a pain seared through my uterus, like being stabbed with a huge knife! I felt the adrenaline rush and my heart start pumping hard as the beginnings of panic set in. No, Rachel! I settled myself. If that was labour I’d have to relax to handle it, and anyway nothing else was happening, perhaps it was a muscle spasm or trapped wind…

So with that I put on my hypnobirthing relaxations there in the bathroom, and breathed. After a while I got out of the bath. I felt emotional, and irritable. I went for a walk around our tiny flat. Anger, frustration and irritation flooded my brain as I stomped around. I still don’t know why! I was feeling contractions that I was all too used to after the trillions of braxton hicks my body had prepared me with. I stamped, marched, sat on the toilet and wondered when ”proper labour” would start. All the movement made me hot, and suddenly I had the urge to fill up the sink with cold water and dip my face in it.

By now it was about 8.30 am. It took a moment to recognise the wet face and wild hair in the mirror above the sink were mine. I sat on the toilet again and heard a growl emerge from somewhere deep within my soul. What was my body doing now? I wasn’t in agony, I didn’t need help, so a quick checklist of my rational brain confirmed that this must be very early stages, if anything. 

At some point during the past 2 hours, my then husband had phoned the labour ward to say that he thought labour might be starting. The home birth kit (a huge suitcase full of terrifying objects from the hospital) was already in place in the hallway, and daddy had laid out a couple of plastic shower curtains to protect the cream carpet in the rented flat from any birth related mess. We were ready… baby was just coming gently, taking his time. More growls and then a sudden urge to get off the toilet…

Seconds later, I remember squatting down and watching in amazement as my son’s head was born, turning to face my left thigh, almost frozen in time, waiting for the next surge. His hair was red. I remember laughing! There was no pain. Instinctively I dropped to the ground on my hands and knees. Labour ward was on the phone, but we still had a phone with one of those curly wires, and as daddy dropped it, the receiver bounced into the other room. “The cord” I heard myself say, “loop it off his neck”. Now from my hands and knees position I had no idea my son’s cord was around his neck, but something enabled me to know and as his dad looped the cord loosely over his neck, our son was born straight into his hands. 

I turned around to see my baby, startle like a star fish, on the blue towel we had ready to receive him on. He did a huge sneeze, and then his first poo! “Give me the baby” I said and held out my arms to reach for my meconium stained, red haired, loudly wailing, beautiful, perfect son. And there we sat, on the bathroom floor, staring in total amazement at this brand new human.

Though I had made up my mind to free birth my baby (that is to birth without any medical assistance or practitioner present which is a fully legal option in the UK) I just could not, in my wildest dreams, have imagined how peaceful, healing, and yet intensely powerful the experience could be. Until…

  A midwife was banging on the door and bustled into the flat bringing with her disbelief and anger at what she saw.  “How did this happen?” she demanded to know “oh, and congratulations”. She asked a load of questions, cut the cord (it was thin and white) swaddled the baby, and passed him to daddy.  Then she pushed me to the floor and yanked on the cord in attempt to pull out his placenta.  Luckily it came away easily, then I was whisked into the bath, baby was kept in the other room where another midwife had come, and I was scrubbed fiercely by the first midwife.  Every second without my baby seemed like an eternity even though he was only in the next room. Strangers rummaged through my drawers and dressed him in the most mismatched outfit they could find, completely disregarding the little yellow suit with Simba on it, laid out and ready for the baby. The midwife was rough and rude, making derogatory comments when I refused her offer of stitches… the birth might have been straight forward but a world of pain was engulfing me by that point. All I wanted was to be snuggled in my bed with my baby, and something to eat would have been amazing too!

Once the fuss was over, and I lay cuddled with my son I took a moment to reflect on what had happened. I couldn’t believe how fast everything had happened and how even though I had believed birth could be this way… I also couldn’t believe it.

My longing for a simple, physiological birth had come about primarily from an intense fear of what I perceived labour and childbirth to be. That fear had led me on a quest for truth, to find out how women had ever survived such a terrible ordeal, whether all births more than 100 years ago really did result in mothers dying from the pain- as everyone seemed to say!

 I secretly wondered: would triggers from my own past allow me to go through such an intimate event in front of strangers without warranting a panic attack the scale of which would have never been seen on a labour ward before and would have ended in my being sedated by general anaesthesia! Or by me, escaping the hospital setting, all gowned up, being chased by registrars wielding needles full of sedatives behind me!! The way the midwife behaved towards me after the birth further convinced me that could have actually been the case, had I gone into hospital!

Now, I’m not naive, and I had carefully kept my birth plans from anyone who knew me, so as not to be discouraged, or pressured into doing something that I didn’t feel comfortable with.  Even after the birth, I was unable to share my experience with other mums for fear of causing upset.  I expected an uproar when I decided to share my story on a mainstream forum a few months later, and I was not wrong.

 Parents were outraged, and were suggesting that I was irresponsible with my baby’s life! A few used words like “brave” to describe what I had done and yet, I didn’t feel I had been brave at all. In fact in my mind, the idea of entering a hospital to have my child delivered by masked strangers would have required a type of bravery I imagine soldiers have to muster when being tortured in enemy prisons. If, at any point during my labour I had feared for my baby’s life or mine, I would have had to dig deep to find courage like that, and would, of course have handed over our care.

I chose to share my story because I believed there were women out there who felt like me. Women who were told that in hospital we would have no choice but to undergo examinations and monitoring that complied with the policy of the area.  That our cervixes would be measured and our bodies expected to birth within a time frame that correlated to that measurement.  That we’d be monitored on our backs, and if that caused us pain, we’d be quietened with medicines that took away our dignity and our ability to make decisions.

I chose to share my story because I believed there were women out there who needed to hear that they too, could birth their babies gently, in peace, fully conscious in whatever position they needed.

Controversial though my story may be, I believe it is still as true and relevant today as it was in those days. Women have a right to know what our bodies are truly capable of.

Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

For me ignoring my intuition cost me my computer- my lifeline to my business destroyed in an instant of madness.

For others it is the confident birth experience they dream of and have been planning for months.

How many times have you heard someone say, "I knew. I just knew somewhere inside that something wasn’t right." or "I knew I just knew somehow that it would be ok."

If I had a penny for every time I hear from mothers who intuitively knew before the doctors what was going on with their baby, growing inside their own body, I would be rich. Sadly, many times the story continues with the mother not being believed, leading her to question and doubt her own feelings and sometimes ultimately go along with what she is being recommended against her instincts.

What is upsetting is when the woman feels she has no voice and no confidence to speak up through fear of ridicule, dismissal (not unfortunately an irrational fear at all but that’s for another post) and not trusting her feelings over the other person’s perceived expertise.

Often if it comes to something for the baby’s safety you will persevere, even when you have to push back against deaf ears and eye-rolls. Even if it’s a fight and you hate conflict and normally shy away from all arguments. Because when you know, you know and this is your baby’s life at stake.

But it shouldn’t be so hard and such a fight.  Sometimes, and especially if we know the baby is ok and its our own comfort or dreams that are at stake, we don’t have that confidence to go up against someone who is holding all the perceived authority and information. We downplay our intuition and play it off against our rational logic that says, 'Oh it will be ok, the doctor must know best.'  Or we keep quiet and play along knowing in our hearts that the concern is unnecessary because all is well but not wanting to rock the boat too much.  We end up compromising on what we truly want because it is too scary to go against the flow of the establishment or our friends and family’s beliefs. You diminish your pain and disappointment, rationalising it away with, "at least he is here safe and sound." A sentence that tends to get universal approval from all around as it puts a soft blanket over the uncomfortable feelings and patterns that for another day you will not have to face.  It may make you feel better but doesn’t lift the unacknowledged pain in your inner world where all the programming happens. Where your subconscious reality is running the show. You can’t fool your inner world, just shut it down and numb it out temporarily.

What we can know through intuition is incredible.

Here’s an example from a friend of mine:

In this case my friend stayed strong and true to her intuition despite the pressure to be induced both times.  She took action based on her inner knowing. Her conviction and strength meant that her babies came when they were ready and for her second helped her daughter get into a better position for a smooth easy birth.

It is not just what we can know, it is when. There is a recent study conducted on premature infants in Nepal that was looking at benefits of kangaroo care versus their standard care.  A point that came out of this research was that mothers who were carrying their baby with monitors attached at the same time, often knew something was wrong with their baby before the machines did.  They knew before there was anything to measure scientifically.  This is contrary to the common tendency to trust the machines blindly without taking into account the mothers intuition and feelings. Just to be clear I am not saying the machines are always unnecessary or wrong just pointing out a reliance on something that cannot see the whole picture and can only measure what is showing up to be measured. Machines have a certain level of sensitivity and are programmed to measure clearly defined signals. As humans we assess and measure far more and subtle signals and this skill is relatively little understood or trusted.

And the truth is we know. When we tune in we always know.  When we practice and learn to trust this as its own science we can use our instincts as a guide to what steps to take. Whether that be in birth planning and which kind of birth is right for us, or when to transfer, or to ask for checks if something feels wrong, we will get the guidance we need.

The constant overriding our intuition with rational thoughts and downplaying the important role it plays and I would go as far to say the science of intuition makes me scream with frustration. Even and especially when I catch myself doing it still.

 Ignoring that little voice inside is how I come to be writing on a new computer. Ok so having a new computer is super fun, and the old one needed replacing. But having to replace it because I found it swimming in half a pint of water that my two year old had gleefully poured over it and then pointed it out to me -‘look, water mummy,’  is not the way I would have gone about it!

And I knew better.  I knew when I saw him come into the room with a bottle of water that I should take it off him and put it high up and far away. But did I?

No. I didn’t. Surveying the ruins of my computer sadly I checked in with myself with what had been going on inside that caused me to ignore that clear but quiet voice. Firstly I was rushing around trying to juggle too many balls  , work and prepare for the school run at the same time. Point one SLOW DOWN. We all need to hear this. Slow down, take some deep breaths, and then continue mindfully with what you are doing one thing at a time.  

Secondly,  also overrode the wisdom automatically with sneaky fast thoughts that got under my radar and passed through before I noticed partly because I was rushing around.. What i discovered when I slowed it down and unpicked what was going on was interesting. The crazy stories that don’t add up – like 'oh I’m so cool and an experienced mother and I can catch him before he does that and in the nick of time then I will look so good and impress everyone at how good I am.' Seriously.  I see this as some of the crazy ways we internalise the archetype of the good mother which gets really warped when it comes into play with low self esteem issues or similar wounds that so many of us carry,

This is why inner work and exploring what is going on is always worth it. It can be as simple as stopping when you notice you arguing with your intuition , checking in with your immediate resistant thoughts and asking asking if they are true. Often they are so ridiculous you can drop them just like that.

 Other times you may need to take out your tool box and do some deeper enquiry and clearing work.  There’s always in my experience some kind of version of a wounded part acting out whenever something like this happens where there is a clear intuitive hit or guidance then you don’t follow it. When you check in with what is going on at a deeper level you have an opportunity to clear out the saboteurs, to  heal the wounds. This leads to the freedom and confidence that will allow you to heed that voice and act on it.

In the words of my friend:

 You do know. I really want you to hear that. You know, and your concerns always matter. Your intuition matters and you have the right to be heard.

There is one more step to this- Practice. You will have heard the phrase practice makes perfect right?  It’s true of course. Practice builds your intuition muscle.  Practice on smaller things, have some fun and then when the chips are down you will have built a new habit that will serve you well as you come to stand by the birth you want.

Let’s give it a go right now. You may place your hand on your heart or your womb and intentionally connect to the wisdom there. We are so used to going to our brain and mind for information. In some cases this is a perfect place. Finding our way for example, remembering the shopping. But when it comes to making decisions, we always make them from an emotional basis in the end.

So, place your hand over your heart or womb and ask a question. Wait to hear what answer you get. It may be in pictures or feelings, it may be in words or just that inner knowing. Notice how it shows for you as this is your inner language you are learning. This is how your body talks to you. It is different for everyone.

Intuition and the role it plays in preparing for your birth  is just one of the subjects we are talking about in the Free Online Birth Confidence Summit that is running for 30 days from 1^st of November.  This is a summit unlike others you may have been on .  It has value and content you would usually find on a paid course. It comprises 30 days of Journal prompts, tips and energetic healing and block clearing classes in a private facebook group,  set against the backdrop of 20+ of the most knowledgeable and experienced birth professionals and mothers I know. 

Sounds interesting? Ask your heart and womb if this is the next step in your birth preparation and then act on the answer you get.

If it’s a yes click right here

Incidentally research points to roughly 30 days being the amount of time it takes to build a new habit to the level it becomes automatic. Come and join us for the summit and use it to build your confidence muscle so you can really enjoy your pregnancy and go for the birth you want, not the one you are settling for.

( Photo credit Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash)

An experienced midwife who has attended about 700 births, Linda tells how her heart is filled by the process of educating and empowering women to own their birth experience.   She shares her wisdom and tips in her friendlly and passionate style, including the benefits of pregnancy massage and caesarean scar massage.

Notes:

Linda's Road Map.  Introducing Linda and explaining why birth planning and making a 'birth proposal is so important.

3.55 Do you ask more questions buying a new kitchen than you do preparing for birth? Linda talks about the changes over years to a more medicalised system and the need to educate and empower women for different scenarios

5.33 Your body births your baby when its ready. Loving the confidence when she witnesses women who are able to say no and push back to get what they want in birth. 

6.50 Linda's ethos. Having kindness and empathy with the women she supports. How simple touches and listening being with a woman is transformational and can make a huge difference form overwhelm to a much better stronger place.

8.11 The transformational possibiliites and benefits of massage in pregnancy.   Works well with hypnobirthing and creates connection with the woman and her body. Eases aches and pains. A chance to connect deeper and see what is going on. Loving the way you leave after a massage 'floating on a cloud'

11.25   Massage of the scar after a caesarian section.  Linda has learnt to look deeper than the surface look of the scar and the massage helps the way the scar heals. Be mindful of what is going on under the scar inparticular adhesions like the spiderman web! The massage can release these and even prevent them from laying down

14.45  Freedom rather than restriction in later years when you massage the scar and it is never too late to start if this is new to you.

15.46. More than just a one off treat and how much you as the woman matters at the centre of this birth. Linda shares how she sees this particularly in women who have been focused on their career and leave the preparation until very late or until they have finishes work when it would be much more beneficial to do gently and regularly throughout pregnancy. Linda suggests putting the birth more centrally in your life and not leaving it too late. Take time to be prepared.

18.23   Paradigm shift of putting you at the centre of your experience in all areas of your life and how much you need to do this during pregnancy. 

19.38   Being moved to tears with the awe of a recent birth. Particularly inspiring as she journeyed from choosing a casearean to a water birth at 42 weeks having reisited pressure to induce. 

21.28   The amount of unnecesary interference that happens currently is breaking Linda's heart and watching women be coerced into certain procedures and sometimes separated from their partners and watching it escalate to a caesarean. Linda is on a mission to educate women to know their rights and ask questions.

23.10   The mind body continuum.  Get your mind into the right place, a place of calm and your body will follow.  Keep your adrenalin low and your oxytocin high then your experience will be so much better

After being told at previous births ‘you should have had a homebirth!’ ‘You’re a natural’ We decided to go for it with our 5^th child. I felt a bit deflated when our child was measuring small, as has been the case with our previous children without any problems and I chose to have growth scans between weeks 30 -34. When I got the all clear all anxiety lifted. We were determined to have our homebirth and we were emotionally planning for the best experience of our lives.

T’was the night before Christmas Eve…. I alerted my husband, ‘Braxton hicks’ were beginning to feel a bit real after being on and off for two days. From experience, this was my fifth baby,  I knew that this was baby’s way of prepping my body, letting us know they are coming soon.  I knew it would be quick once it got going!

But back to the birth!  On Boxing Day I began to slow down, eat and talk less. My midwife was to come and visit but I put her off till the following day as I felt fine. I wanted us to get into a place of trust for each other and the natural happenings about to take place. I began visualising techniques to help relax my muscles. My surges were becoming more intense on the morning of the 27th. During a check up with my midwife;

‘Erm Becky, I think my waters have gone!’

Becky was still with us, she stayed for another hour or two in case things suddenly sped up.

I ran a bath, lit candles and soaked in it for hours. Topping up the water, eating dinner whilst watching Peter Kay live! Bliss! Always good to watch comedy when in labour. Relaxed, well fed and surges became more regular from around 6pm. I stayed in the bath so that I did not get the urge to start taking care of the children. My husband and our eldest daughter (16 at the time) had it all in hand. We had a back up plan in case for any reason We were admitted. However we didn’t pay much attention to it and focused on the plan we wanted

The children were extra hyper before they went to bed, I think they subconsciously knew the baby was coming very soon. They finally fell asleep at 10pm. That’s when it began to get intense. My body relaxed even more as the children fell asleep. I wasn’t worried about them I just think as parents there’s always a feeling of relief when the children fall asleep. I don’t take gas, air or drugs to assist. I drink gallons of water and it works everytime. The water fills my bladder and when I relieve myself the baby comes further down the birth canal, It works!

My husband played music, set up a video camera for some clips. He gave me the best body rub with warm coconut oil. He rubbed me down, in line with gravity. I was in my zone.

The snow was still quite high so we knew we had to give midwives time to travel. They called every so often anyway to see how we were doing. At 11pm I asked Mark to call the midwife on duty as she lived about 40 minutes away, 1 hour in the snow. Although she was on her way I felt so relaxed and things were happening fast. I started to crouch, I was quiet, this always means baby is coming. I just breath, hardly any noise. I was in my zone, connecting with my baby. Everytime I had a surge I would say ‘well done baby’ I programmed my mind to understand that the intensity meant the baby was closer to coming out. I visualised waterfalls, oceans and anything that took my mind to symbolise the process of delivery through gravity. I was closer to holding our 5th child, that thought felt amazing.

An hour passed so quickly. I heard the midwife parking up outside, our window was wide open, the heater was on in our room and I was upstairs. I wanted to be near our bed. What a great choice! Dimmed lights, soft classical music and water. It was 12 am on the 28/12 our baby’s due date.

I came out of silence and asked my husband ‘are you ready love? The baby is coming out now.’

He calmly said ‘yes I’m ready love’

The midwife came in and Mark helped her with her stuff, lots of stuff! I thought are you moving in Hun?

The midwife put her bags down and began to look at my notes, requested to check me for dialation and baby’s heart etc. My husband quite calmly said ‘it’s too late for all of that, she’s ready now and you do know I’m delivering?’ ‘No I didn’t know, wasn’t mentioned in the hand over!’ The midwife then checked our birth plan...She was fine. I think she knew we were set and she gracefully stood back. The midwife was with us for all of 5 minutes. Baby’s head was born safely, followed by the rest of its cute little body. Mark carefully checked for the cord and supported Nile whilst he entered the world. The midwife just said ‘wow!’ So calm, so focused. We did it!!

‘It’s a boy, we have another boy love.’ Like the others he was so cute. My husband delivered then, passed him straight to me. I held him on my warm chest and his cute cry sealed what had been an ideal birth. We sat on our bedroom floor for roughly an hour. Skin to skin, fed and latched straight away. My Placenta was born within good time too. We waited until the blood had drained from the cord before we allowed the clamp and cut by my husband of course. The midwife checked for any tears and again there were none. Skin to skin for a while longer before the weight was done. By this time the second midwife arrived and was so happy to be a part of our relaxed homebirth. She waited patiently to weigh our son whilst they filled out their notes. She offered to take care of us, tea and toast which was nice.

Nile was so punctual, he arrived 15 minutes into his due date. Weighing 7lb 14oz! Our heaviest of the 5, way above what was predicted...Again! Mark had delivered his Son,  as planned. When I asked him how he felt he said ‘I delivered my son, I can do anything!’

I felt so proud of us both, we finally got our home birth.

If you have the option we would highly recommend it.

Simone is a professional housewife and homeschool coordinator and lives with her husband Mark and 5 children ranging from 18 years to 18 months. They are a plant based Vegan family on a journey to become more environmentally conscious.  Simone believes in the power of direct action and enjoys connecting with her local community as she and her family litter pick with love. She loves music, the outdoors and being creative and loves to implement innovative new ideas together with her family.
You can find her on her family You Tube channel Thankfully True here. and instagram here.
Mark Roberts, is a professional photographer who took the beautiful photographs of Simone in labour. You can find his website here and follow him on instagram here

If you liked this story you may enjoy Zoe's heartwarming Vbac story of giving birth to Seren here.

The Positive Birth movement is a global grass roots network of free to attend antenatal groups that aim to connect pregnant women together to encourage each other and share stories, expertise and  positivity about childbirth positivity about childbirth.  The organisation aims to challenge the epidemic of negativity and fear that surrounds modern birth, and help change birth for the better. In this interview, Kat and Florence from Worcestershire Doulas talk about the Positive Birth Movement and why they love to run groups to encourage all women to plan for a positive birth experience and why this is so important and effective.

Notes:

Find your local Positive Birth Movement Group here  and information about the North Birmingham Group here

0- 4 Introducing Kat and Florence and why they are so passionate about Birth and how they became birthworkers.  For Florence her first experience as a 'Doula' was at 6 years old! and it grew from there. Talking about the importance of women's voice and making sure women know their rights.

4.15 Introducing the Positive Birth Movement- putting a positive slant on birth and moving away from the common negative ways it is portrayed. That this positivity is possible for all kinds of birth experience.  The groups are for all women and not run by experts and this is beautiful as everyone has a voice and can ask questions and share their knowledge and experiences.

8.24 The enormous amount of goodwill and passion by the volunteers who run the groups who all want women to find their voice in birth and experience  a positive experience.

9 What is the difference between the Positive Birth Movement Groups and standard antenatal classes: No formal structure and content to get through, rather open discussions following a theme.  Following what the group needs with no agenda and a lot of flexibility.

12.14  The importance of no judgment in the groups , all are welcome. There are many places for women to meet up but these groups are very specific not just coffee mornings and supportive of all experiences.

14.20 In the groups you learn that noone fails at birth.  You can hear different perspectives that help you find postivty in your situation and find courage and feel supported.

16.23  Witnessing the transformation and seeing women come back into the groups to share their stories and how lovely that is for everyone. It is also great to have that space to share the story and for women who have questions who can ask anything without feeling stupid. They feel like the group has their back and is with them throughout their journey like cheerleaders.

17.50 Moving from passivity to empowered  and active in what happens to you. Sometimes this shows in even subtle ways like body language, how a woman sits or walks in the room.

19.50  Learning how to be empowered and stand your ground and other ways to make your positive birth happen.  Think about who is in the room with you and where you are getting your information from as you prepare. Invest in yourself and remember to inlude the postnatal period in your planning.  Fill in for the missing village! Create support around you at all stages.

25.12  Getting away from the pressure of trying to be perfect. There is no one perfect way and it comes back to empowerment again and finding what works for you.

25.52  Loving how powerful women are in birth and seeing the huge transformative process no matter how it happens and Kat speaks of how she will never grow tired of it. Florence agrees and how amazing our bodies are and the mechanics of how it works. She thinks we put obstacles in our way when nature and instinct is so amazing and powerful.

28.20  Feeling  heartbroken hearing the same stories over and over about how I wasn't allowed and the disempowering lanuguage that is used with women. Feeling frustrated after ten and more years that the same scnearios where the system is not supporting women as it should. Women should be at the centre and not made to feel doubting or themselves and so fearful ( ​If this is you have a read of this post which has practical tips on how to stand your ground and get the birth you want.
Would love to see the medical expertise used appropriately at same time as trusting in birth and women's bodies.

Focusing on numbers and measurements when that time could be spent on preparing emotionally and physicall on what a healthy pregnancy looks like and what will happen when the baby comes. So the system does not allow for these parts and they can be missed.   Infantilising of women is still happening - Thiink of Monty Python clip!

32 What really matters- it is more than 'just' a healthy baby. Women remember every birth is different and there is noone more expert than you. Parenting also different every time.  Remember  you are enough and you are going to do it no matter what and that is also enough

BirthEssence was talking to Worcestershire Doulas who comprise of Kat Galbraith and Florence Etienne-Jackson. They also have co founded the Birmingham South Positive Birth group.

Previously a chartered physiotherapist on the NHS, Janet retrained in acupuncture following  her recovery from an unsuccessful operation  related to her osteoarthritis.  She continued her training with specialist courses in pain relief, fertility, care in pregnancy and post partum and today speaks to BirthEssence why she loves what she does and how she supports the pregnant women that come through her door.

Q1.         Tell us a little more about your own story. How did you discover acupuncture and what made you choose this as your career?

 I was a physiotherapist for many years working in Obstetrics and gynaecology and paediatrics. In 2006 I had been having problems with sciatica and arthritis of the spine, also menstrual problems due to fibroids and endometriosis. I had 2 operations very close together, one gynae and a spinal op. The spinal op was unsuccessful and although the gynae problems improved the spinal problems progressed. After being told there was nothing more Western medicine could offer me, I searched for alternatives. This is when I found acupuncture.

At first it didn’t help with the pain I was experiencing, but other areas of my life improved; sleep, wellbeing. I decided that I would do a degree in acupuncture and started the course the same day one of my daughters went to university.

So at 51 I retrained in Acupuncture and have loved every minute since!

I now have a clinic offering private and Multi-bed treatments, depending on what clients prefer or can manage.  I set up the  multi-bed clinic to try and keep prices as low as possible for people because I found it difficult to pay for the treatments I needed myself.

Q2. Most people probably know that acupuncture involves needles but I would love to know a little more about what acupuncture is and how it works and how it can support pregnant women?

Acupuncture is an ‘holistic’ treatment which means it works with the ‘whole person’, supporting not only the physical but also emotional and even ‘spiritual’ aspects of our nature. With this is in view it can be used to aid relaxation, calm anxiety as well as treat the changes that occur in pregnancy that can cause problems.

I support women all the way through their pregnancies, but there are specific times when acupuncture can be really helpful:

 Women giving birth are just phenomenal! Believing you can do it- with the trust that as an individual there is no right or wrong way- it can be transformative. There are certain points that we avoid during different stages of pregnancy but generally it is a very gentle and safe treatment when performed by specialist acupuncturists.

Q3.         What do you love most about working with women on their journey to motherhood?

For me being able to give women space to talk openly about any problems and get the support they need is so important. Also a haven to come to and take ‘time out’ in a safe, comfortable environment.

Q4.         What transformations do you see in women who use acupuncture?

Acupuncture gives them strength to choose their own way through pregnancy and birth. To feel they do not have to rush and meet everyone else’s expectations.

Acupuncture  gives women relief from symptoms that they have been told cannot be supported by Western medicine at this time in their lives. Like nausea and vomiting; carpal tunnel syndrome; heartburn; backache.

It also gives women support and options when faced with difficult decisions, often at the end of pregnancy when pressure can be applied to go for induction.

Q5.         What would you say to women to inspire them with confidence and joy about birth- either practical tips or suggestions for support?

Pregnancy is not always easy and there is no manual so try to listen to your body and if you feel there is a problem or you are not coping- talk to someone -use all the support around you.

Try not to let others fixate you on ‘dates’ – as long as your baby is moving and you are well, get out in nature as much as you can and let baby grow. Talk to your baby, play music, take time for yourself and pamper yourself. You are beautiful!

Q6.         What do you find awe inspiring about women giving birth/birth itself?

 Women giving birth are just phenomenal! Believing you can do it- with the trust that as an individual there is no right or wrong way- it can be transformative.

Q7.         What breaks your heart that you would like to see change for women becoming mothers?

The lack of support now from the NHS. Midwives have such a difficult task with all the cuts and demands on their time. They can’t do the job they want to be able to do to support women at this very precious time. Especially after birth.

Q8.         If there was one thing that you would like women listening to take away and take to heart today what would it be?

Get the support you need to trust in your own body to support and nurture this beautiful new life that is growing within you. You can do this. Go mama!

​

Gulara is a mother of two, a writer and a healer who specialises in helping women recover from deep childhood and sexual trauma. She talks to BirthEssence about the inner work she did on her journey to becoming a mother and how it has transformed how she shows up in the world.
(Photo Credit Khalid Zeynalov)

Notes:  ( Scroll down to find links to the tools mentioned in the interview at the end of the notes)

Originally from Azerbajan, Gulara came to the UK over a decade ago and embarked on an  epic healing journey from a traumatic childhood.  Now a therapist herself she talks about the tools she used on her journey to health and well being and particularly how she transformed her experience of birth as she became a mother to her two children now 4 and 6.

2.50 Her first pregnancy was deemed to be high risk and was highly stressful. Gulara needed to release the ‘gunk’ from her system.   Although she used three of her top healing tools to prepare, her first birth was still traumatic and she feels that she had no idea how much work there was for her to do. This led to more work to prepare for her second child to releasee the trauma from her first birth as well as going on a deeper journey of healing.   One significant result was that Gulara was able to speak up for herself  and her choices in her second birth e.g. no induction and eventually chose home birth.  Despite this changing to an emergency c- section Gulara experienced this birth in a totally different and positive way, being well cared for throughout  which was a huge turnaround just in itself.

5.25 How to choose from the plethora of tools? Gulara says trust your gut. Set an intention to find the tool that works for you. Sometimes it’s the tool you already know the best. Sometimes it’s new. Find something easy and simple. Gulara used tools that could excavate patterns that were set in the womb or before conscious memory.  The openness of transition to motherhood brings up many unresolved traumas and Gulara encourages you to go deeper to clear this.

7.10  Some memories that are blocking you may not be seen as trauma by the adult you but were experienced as such to you as a child. Whatever has affected you and set a pattern down can be looked at.  Trauma doesn’t have to be traumatic such as a pattern of not standing up to authority was a pattern Gulara developed in  childhood that played out in her first birth and took some unpicking before she could speak up and ask for what she wanted in her second birth.

8.24  Gulara’s three top tools. Firstly, there is no ultimate one top tool for everyone.  The one you find that works for you is the right one.

1 The Journey™ This is a process of uncovering buried memories that you are holding in your body that are creating imbalance or illness.  You clear the emotional charge from your system so the world changes how it responds to you.  For example, If you are holding anger under the surface,  a doctor may respond to that anger inside you even if it is not expressed. Clear it and reconnect with the same consultant and you will notice a difference as there is not the charge to react to.   Also described as a forgiveness-based mindfulness technique- a description of the process you undertake during ‘A Journey’ 

12.29 Tip: Take enough time in advance to invest in clearing work also so you can enjoy the pregnancy. 

14.07 Tool 2. The Compassion Key® – a new technique with ancient origins.  ‘Simply magic,’ this tool works to clear imprints and patterning from your system.  You can as with The Journey , take your existing condition and clear right back to the root cause.  It is highly flexible in its application including switching between timelines and your life can transform in ways that you couldn’t even imagine.  We love tools that are deceptively simple with immense healing properties.  Using the vibration of compassion energy to dissolve imprints is simple and powerful.

18.11  3.The NPA Process ( Non Personal Awareness)   This tool turns healing on its head as you don’t always need to uncover the memory yet it will also clear the root cause. It is a 6 line spoken word process that stops you taking things personally. Gulara’s describes how when we have stuck energy in our mind or body and we tune into that energy and find a word or label to describe that which we run through the process and it unravels it beautifully.  Absolutely magical tool she uses pretty much every day. Can be subtle and you don’t even realise how much you have changed over time as it can take 30 seconds then you show up differently.

20.29  A Prayer for everyone to be able to access this power of shifts so quickly.

NPA you can do any time anywhere. A tool that is with you in a critical moment such as in birth situation if you were panicking you could take the panic through the 6 line process and shift it. ( Here is a blog where I talk about doing exactly that as I shift my fear of not coping with the pain in just seconds)

A great tool that I would love Doulas and midwives to have and be able to support birthing women and this is part of Charlotte’s vision for the future.

22.10  Suggestions to a woman becoming a mother. Clear your imprints and do as much clearing as you can while pregnant, it will pay off.  When Gulara is balanced and well in herself everyone in her family benefits as well as her.  She notices her second child was much calmer as a baby and part of this is that she was in a much calmer place during the pregnancy. Before During and After! There is not an end it is a journey and it is worth doing.

23.43  Digging into these imprints and pain will not harm the baby as they are already there and so when you become free you set them free too. They are in your energy field so they carry what you hold in your body.  They often take this on and by clearing it you are not passing it on.  It will serve you and you will feel more resourced to look after your baby which is a big journey already and also it will serve your baby.

24.55  Gulara finds everything awe inspiring about birth.  You have no idea until you have a baby how much it changes you.  It is a beautiful journey.  Her son was her messenger of love, arriving on Valentines day. This was not an external love but an invitation to love herself to become a better mother and this was a big gift.

26.58  Gulara absorbed the patterns from her childhood about giving too much to be a good mother and then she has been learning to receive and putting boundaries for ‘me time’ that recharges her and this has become an important part of being a mother.

27.53  What breaks Gulara’s heart is the way women are treated as she was in the hospital where her body and her autonomy was undermined.    The casual language that is used is upsetting for example classing Gulara as ‘not normal.’

30.10  In contrast, Gulara’s home birth team was wonderful. A team of cheerleaders ( The Birmingham Women'sand children's home birth team)

32.01  Takeaway Number One: This is self-care. Not just a one off massage, though this is lovely but also how do you talk to yourself and treat yourself. If you notice something is a bit off don’t just say never mind this is just little, pay attention to how you treat yourself and particularly when it is hard or you are triggered.  Be supported to overcome these patterns when you notice them.  Make the self-care not just one off. Continuous support is so much more beneficial.  Gulara didn’t want to leave a stone unturned after her first birth as she saw how much her internal patterning and programming was playing out in the birth experience and this is what made the difference in the second experience of pregnancy and birth.   Her second baby also fed better, slept better, it was much more easeful and joyful and she thinks this is in part from the work she did on herself.

34.51  Offering hope to women who have had a poor birth experience. It is never too late to work on an experience. If a pattern shows up in birth, chances are it has been there a long time and will be showing up else where and the root is often in your own childhood and so the clearing work is always beneficial as it will be impacting in other areas of your life that are ongoing. It will also change how you feel about the birth that you already had.  When you release in one area, other areas of your life improve too.  Coming to peace with what happened is important.

There is no destination, it is a process of growing and we reach limits of each layer of growth and then reach further. I move faster and with more ease when I release what is holding me back.

Joel Young, the founder of NPA talks of this as growing like a tree with its rings and it is always still a tree as it grows through its formed and these tools make the process of growing more enjoyable

38.04  Finally, this journey is fun! And fascinating. Gulara remembers feeling skinned alive and raw from more traditional therapies where she had opened up something but not felt so much resolution from this.  With the tools discussed here she knows that when she opens up something she feels healed afterwards not that she has just rehashed the old events, she has found some peace and resolution.

40.09  Thank you  for paving this way for me as Gulara tells of her being my private client and says “Charlotte has been a tremendous support and that I have grown and then wanted to help others and you are a source of inspiration and your skills are magic and highly recommended and Charlotte changed my life.”

Links to the Tools and Resources mentioned:

The NPA Process ( Non Personal Awareness), a simple 6 line process that moves you from stuck to flow created by Joel Young.
Access a sheet to download and have a go yourself

The Compassion Key® created by Edward Mannix.  Find a list of practitioners here  ( Note Charlotte combines all three of these tools and you can book direct from this website here)

The Journey™  created by Brandon Bays after recovering from a basketball sized tumour.  Click here to download a free e-book with her story and the process inside. 

Heidi Danaher has practiced Yoga for over 20 years and added hypnobirthing to further support the pregnant women in her yoga classes. She loves to work with pregnant women and follow their journey as a mother enjoying the transformation that her hypnobirthing and yoga classes bring.   She speaks here of the power of this journey and how women 'discover themselves' through the process of giving birth.

Notes

Heidi has been a yoga teacher for over 20 years and in the early years pregnant women kept coming so Heidi followed the Universes hint and trained in pregnancy yoga to support them. Pregnant women still kept coming so Heidi kept going and found she loved it. She later added Hypnobirthing.

1.40 What is hypnobirthing? It is nothing like stage hypnotism on TV. Think more learning how to relax and release fears from your life experience and your own birth and become empowered and make decisions from a place of being informed.  Good for people for whom even entering a hospital environment puts them  on edge.

3.0 Using hypnobirthing as pain relief.  There is no promise of pain free, but using hypnobirthing helps you manage the pain and the birth can be enjoyable.

4.10   A glimpse into how hypnobirthing can help you ride out any changes with confidence through the story of the birth of Heidi’s own son 4 years ago, when she had the opportunity to use her skills  on herself.
Heidi used a variety of different hypnobirthing programmes ( see links at the end for suggestions of starting places to find one for you)

6.37  Who is hypnobirthing for and how do you know if its for you? There is lots of inspiration online and it's good to get your partner involved as it is not happening to their body so this gives them a tool kit to help and they can feel prepared, supportive and useful. Talk to others and have an open mind.

8.36- A group or private? Choose what works for you and remember in a group you often have reunions after and have a ready made community to connect with

9.20 The Key to success:  Practice! Be flexible for example when you awake at night and can’t sleep.  Practice little and often throughout the day which doesn’t take up much time but can make a huge difference.  Heidi has heard many stories of women who have not done hypnobirthing with a first birth and with the second feel much more empowered and able to manage the medical professionals and know what they would like and get a different experience.

11.20 Charlotte's story of listening a lot to hypnobirthing tracks for her first child and then neglected this during her second pregnancy until she hit a bump in the road with some fear, tension and high blood pressure. Listening to her old hypnobirthing tracks took her right back and she was instantly relaxed and at peace.

13.02  What does a hypnobirthing birth like? It doesn’t have to be all OM and the baby just appears! Sound and noise is fine.  If you are breathing and giving birth you ARE doing it.  Partners can also be reassured about what is normal including noise and the more a partner is relaxed the more he can be supportive.

14.45 How to choose the right hypnobirthing for you. Tip- you need to like their voice! Check out what else the practitioner does and how she integrates those, For example Heidi mixes in some of her Yoga work.  ( see some ideas at the end of notes)

16.04  There is some overlap in the breathing exercises in hypnobirthing and in the pranayama yogic breathing and so they complement each other well.

16.50  The anatomy of a pregnancy yoga class including the tea break time. A lovely experience to teach and take part in . Heidi took part in her own classes when pregnant as a colleague ran them for her and got to experience it that way which was so lovely.

18.30 The importance of relaxation and setting aside time to do this.   Again short bursts are useful and in addition the collective vibe of a class is powerful.

19.11 It is awe inspiring when women discover themselves and find a sense of power they didn’t know they had. Heidi thinks it is amazing to create a baby and enjoys the lovely stories she has a privilege to be a part of.

20.20   Hypnobirthing can help you to know what you have to do and where you have choice such as knowing the mantra 'your body your choice' so you can choose a sweep or you can say no. This knowledge is powerful.  Good to be informed.

22.18 Heidi would like women to know that there is tons of support out there and to go and find it. And to Know they can do it.

23.28 Finishing with more insights into Heidi’s birth and her supportive sisters who knew what she wanted.

Finally Enjoy the journey!

Links to Hypnobirthing Resources

Here are some links to different Hypnobirthing options. They are by no means exclusive and are just some of the resources Charlotte and Heidi have tried out themselves and are a good starting point. If you have locl knowledge or friends who have tried other programmes, use that and find the one you like the most.

The Calm Birth School ( video based home study course with also live teachers teaching classes)  https://www.thecalmbirthschool.com/

Natal Hypnotherapy  https://www.natalhypnotherapy.co.uk/

Katharine Graves  https://www.kghypnobirthing.com/

Positive Birth Downloads https://www.positive-birth.com/index.htm

Some books - often these have an accompanying cd or download: